Marital Rape

Last night, Larry King Live aired an interview with Robin Givens, actress and former wife of Mike Tyson.

Robin Givens recently wrote a book called "Grace Will Lead Me Home." During the interview, Larry King asked her about her allegations (in her book) that her former husband sexually assaulted her during their marriage.

This sparked a great debate on the topic of marital rape in my living room. While the conversation started with the plausibility of Robin's story it quickly branched out to the idea of marital rape, in general.

One of the comments that I recall specifically is 'what if after having sex the male spouse wants more - how come the woman has the right to turn the switch on and off?'

Occassionally, when something is extremely clear in your own mind, it's almost incredible when you discover that others are fuzzier on the subject. The previous quote really threw me off. To me it was a defined statement that a wife cannot decide when (and for how long) she is interested in having sex. To the speaker of this comment, she must be available until her partner is satiated.

I once read a bumper sticker that said "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people." This bumper sticker popped into my head continuously as I engaged in this conversation. To be honest, it was really hurtful to hear the opinion that a woman does not have the right to choose whether (or not) she wants to be intimate with her husband esp if her husband is raring to go. The idea is wildly offensive to me.

I've discovered that as a society we've only recently begun to treat Marital/Partner Rape as a crime. Interestingly, while the Feds have made Marital Rape a crime it's been left to the states to legislate it. Some interesting anomalies have cropped up as a result - in California, for example, the law defining sexual assault in spousal and non-spousal situations are mostly on the same plane. However, offenders in non-spousal rapes cannot be given probation or suspended sentences; there is no such provision in spousal rapes.

You can read about more interesting differences in the handling of Marital Rape at The National Center for Victims of Crime. You can also google Marital Rape and find some statements made by public officials while the idea of Marital Rape was debated.

Human relationships are complicated and so there will always be concern about false accusations but I don't think that false accusations would be more likely inside marriage than out (and the burden of proof is likely to be much higher). If someone is brave enough to step forward the crime should be treated the same. I, for one, do not like the idea that I could have less rights under the law just because I'm married to someone esp since the person I married may not be the same ten years later.